So this is not how I pictured high school going. I have about 10 credits I need to make up by May 2013 if I wanted to graduating on time. Sadly I don't see that happening. In the ONE class that I'm attempting, I am at the very beginning of last semester and I have 3 months to finish. Call me crazy, but I don't see that happening! Its crazy how much I miss my school. I miss everything about it. I miss walking to classes and chatting with friends in the hall, I miss cheering on the schools sports, I miss the boring learning and weird inside jokes with teachers. I even miss the building itself. I just want to walk into my school for any random reason, except the walk from the parking lot to the front of the school would count as my hike of the day!
How other people see my life:
Sleeping in late every day, my mother letting me drink powerade every day, Watching TV, Little to no school work, oh and can't forget my super convenient Handicap parking!
How I see my life:
sucks, sucks, sucks, SUCKS!! at least i get food.
How my life really is:
Sleeping a lot but never enough.. you'd think I'm addicted to sleeping or something. Forced to drink Powerade for its electrolytes except I'm sick of it and kind of want to throw it out the window. Even searching for a new movie is too exhausting, so i Watch reruns of TV series on Netfilx wishing I could sleep. I miss school and would LOVE to go back or take my sister's place in school! if only we could switch roles... And my parking, yeah really convenient except the store is still too far away.
However, I have a few alternate options for school. I could just retake my entire junior year, but I've every opposed to that idea since I've already repeated one grade. Sure it was for an entirely different circumstance, but I'm still very opposed. The next option is bust my butt over the summer with community college classes and then go to school AND take online classes. Only problem with that is I don't have the stamina for that. DUH!! Another option is get my GED. That is seriously sounding like the best option at the moment. I could technically still finish high school if I wanted but all those technicalities I'd figure out later. School is school and one way or the other I'll figure out what to do. Although... If you know me, I'm not exactly the most decisive person BUT that's why I have a mom!
I'm wishing myself luck and hoping for the best!! HA! I wish I always felt that optimistic! It's kind of hard to do sometimes, but really what am I going to achieve if I'm throwing myself a pity party? Actually on some days it gets ride of all my frustration because I can't exactly do anything like yoga or run to get rid of it. But not my point! just hang in there everyone!
"Although... If you know me, I'm not exactly the most decisive person BUT that's why I have a mom!"
ReplyDeleteUh - HEL-LO - your mother - decisive? So you may feel like crap but at least you made me laugh today:) AND... the best thing about being young, is that you still have plenty of time to tackle all these big decisions that you are angsting about- it's not like you need to figure it out tomorrow, or next week or even next year. So the auntie advice (not that you asked for it), is to take the time to take care of yourself - college will still be there for you when you are ready (it took me 40 years to get ready - hopefully, you won't wait quite that long).
Hang in there sweetie, it WILL get better. Looking forward to seeing you soon, hugs from Tanta Jano
This sister speaks my mind - I laughed when I read that line! Did I miss your mom's decisive phase? It's more like the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.
DeleteMust really suck to have people just not understand what's happening. I'm crossing my fingers that you'll get back to traipsing through the school in the future.
I'm looking forward to seeing you next week when I bring Waldo to Colorado.
Gabriella, You are such a courageous young girl who is up against a very difficult situation. Please be kind to yourself and allow for a revised schedule to get through high school. And know that you demonstrate incredible courage and tenacity ever day by waking up and facing the day, and making the most of it. I am certain that you have an amazing future. Just hang in there for now and know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of many who care about you. Hugs. Jen
ReplyDeleteGabriella you've written very eloquently about how much you miss what others take for granted. It was very moving. I wish I could give you some helpful advice about school but since we have a different system here in Australia I'm not much use! I can tell you what my husband said the other day which was there are not crossroads in life, just roundabouts and you can always move on to the next exit when the time comes! When you become well you will have a wealth of empathy to draw on that will open up whole new worlds for you. I know that's not much comfort right now but your time will come. Best wishes and keep blogging when you can. : ) Annie
ReplyDeleteGabriella, your url caught my eye on another blog. Great name. It's how I used to live my life after I got CFS during University, 20 plus yrs ago. I got a little better after 5 years but I still had the fatigue, brain fog, allergies etc. Long story short. It turns out I didn't have CFS. I had heavy metals toxicity! Mercury and Lead. Lots of it. So much that the hair mineral analysis chart couldn't fit the amount of lead I was showing.
ReplyDeleteThe build up of heavy metals/chemical toxins then causes the secondary problem of pathogen overload (bacteria/viruses/candida/parasites) and causes the symptoms of Fatigue, IBS, Candida, Chronic Allergies and Brain Fog (the fog/word finding/memory gaps etc is caused from theses organisms releasing waste toxins which overwhelm the immune system.
After starting to detox, guess what? My symptoms started to really improve quickly for the first time in 15 yrs. After that I just decided to write an ebook "I Cured My CFS - So Can You" and offered it for free to all the major CFS orgs worldwide but the response I got was disappointing. So I decided I'd be able to help more people with CFS if I put up a site, advertised it and sold the book directly and got a U.K. book distributor. Funny I had no plans to write books and had been a musician in London. Playing music whilst having CFS presents it's own problems though, like having to relearn all the songs after the soundcheck before each gig because you don't remember them from rehearsals. Not for the faint hearted!
So anyways, I was just wondering if you'd ever been tested for heavy metals? They don't necessarily always show up on tests as I unfortunately discovered some 9 years after having been given the all clear from a blood test a year after I got ill.
If you'd like a copy of the ebook just email me and I'll send you one - my email is at the bottom of my site. (I have no financial links to the companies who's supplements are mentioned in the ebook).
Don't worry about your grades. Or "don't borrow worry" as I like to say, they'll sort themselves out eventually. Hoping you get to depress the pause button and restart your life soon.
Ian