Do random pulses bug you? I hate when I can feel my pulse in my finger or my arm or wherever! It happens to me a lot when I'm trying to sleep, but Instead I find myself counting every time it pulses. My pulse has become RIDICULOUSLY high lately. My average Resting pulse is about 103 beats per minute. Its really weird but my doctor isn't worried. Haha I kept wondering what would happen if i tried to run or excersice since its so high. I found out when I ran inside the house before church and grab my water... Bad idea. My pulse went to 142bpm and never got to church. It takes so much more energy to stand up than people without CFS realize. And of course the orthostatic intolerance makes me dizzy or lightheaded whenever i stand as well. I think from being limited physically I've come to miss simply walking, running, bouncing around more than I when I was able to do them; when i had that option.
My sister and brother don't exactly see the bad side of CFS. They hear me complain about headaches and dizziness all the time but they don't see me every day laying on the couch struggling to get up and fill my water bottle. They see me staying home day after day, my lack of chores but still being able to see my boyfriend on the weekends(Oh boyfriend. What would I do without you? seeing him and going to church are about the only time i'm around people and outside my house). The invisible illness. I can't decide if I'd rather have one visible or invisible. I'm leaning towards visible that way people know I'm not just trying to get out of school and have an easy life. Hey people! I wish I was faking this so I could be better and regain my life.
I am starting to take classes to get the credits I need for next year. One thing I miss about school, besides friends, is the teachers giving lectures and busy work to remember the information. The class I've decided to take is Modern US History. I have read everything stright out the text book, i'm yawning just at the thought of it! Even though it's boring, its being productive. That was probably one of the most frustrating things of last semester; doing absolutely NOTHING productive. I am one of those... what do you call them... overachievers? I like the challege of harder classes, so when CFS decided to get between me and school I was not very happy!
OH! Last week was really exciting because I was able to go to Chinese New Year without passing out!! It was standing in crowds and busy stores for about 2 hours maybe? Super exciting accomplishment :) I was only crashed for about... 2 days? but I was still able to enjoy Chinese new year
