Pulses!

Do random pulses bug you? I hate when I can feel my pulse in my finger or my arm or wherever! It happens to me a lot when I'm trying to sleep, but Instead I find myself counting every time it pulses. My pulse has become RIDICULOUSLY high lately. My average Resting pulse is about 103 beats per minute. Its really weird but my doctor isn't worried. Haha I kept wondering what would happen if i tried to run or excersice since its so high. I found out when I ran inside the house before church and grab my water... Bad idea. My pulse went to 142bpm and never got to church. It takes so much more energy to stand up than people without CFS realize. And of course the orthostatic intolerance makes me dizzy or lightheaded whenever i stand as well. I think from being limited physically I've come to miss simply walking, running, bouncing around more than I when I was able to do them; when i had that option.

My sister and brother don't exactly see the bad side of CFS. They hear me complain about headaches and dizziness all the time but they don't see me every day laying on the couch struggling to get up and fill my water bottle. They see me staying home day after day, my lack of chores but still being able to see my boyfriend on the weekends(Oh boyfriend. What would I do without you? seeing him and going to church are about the only time i'm around people and outside my house). The invisible illness. I can't decide if I'd rather have one visible or invisible. I'm leaning towards visible that way people know I'm not just trying to get out of school and have an easy life. Hey people! I wish I was faking this so I could be better and regain my life.

I am starting to take classes to get the credits I need for next year. One thing I miss about school, besides friends, is the teachers giving lectures and busy work to remember the information. The class I've decided to take is Modern US History. I have read everything stright out the text book, i'm yawning just at the thought of it! Even though it's boring, its being productive. That was probably one of the most frustrating things of last semester; doing absolutely NOTHING productive. I am one of those... what do you call them... overachievers? I like the challege of harder classes, so when CFS decided to get between me and school I was not very happy!

OH! Last week was really exciting because I was able to go to Chinese New Year without passing out!! It was standing in crowds and busy stores for about 2 hours maybe? Super exciting accomplishment :) I was only crashed for about... 2 days? but I was still able to enjoy Chinese new year

Rant about Pills

With various medications and vitamins I feel like I'm a pill popper. I'm sure we all feel that way.  Depending on the symptoms of the day, we have a med for that. sometimes my sister says, "Are you trying to drug her up or what?!" Between me and my sister we so many meds, I don't know how my mom keeps them all straight. I started taking flourinef and so far it hasn't been helpful. Its made me gain weight and break out like crazy, so irritating! I noticed a few of my jeans are either tighter than usual or don't fit at all. All those girls who say they're fat but really they're not are usually super annoying but I know why they say it. When you go from being a fit gymnast with awesome abs to a couch potato in sweats, it doesn't help your self-esteem. I guess I can't complain too much since I'm still under size 2. I can't work out because 5 push ups and i'll be sleeping the rest of the day. I attempted yoga on the wii fit but it was difficult to moniter how much I could do without making too tired. 15 minutes? too long!

 Sometimes I forget I'm sick or I feel like I must have made this all up in my head, but its the 2-3 day crashes that remind me I'm not crazy. Oh well, it sucks but it could be worse. Isn't CFS just a bucket of fun!? *sarcasim x100* :)

Happy 2012!

So I just had a few random things to say and so I'll make this a short post. oh 2011 how I am so happy you are ending. Ever since January 2011 I've been sick with something! Mono, ear infections, the flu, and my least favorite, CFS. Someone said that 2011 was a bad year for a lot of people but now we can have a positive outlook on the new year knowing that the last one sucked and this is the year to turn things around! (i hope) So 2012, don't let me down! This last school year I'm going to be struggling with catching up with school, but my school seems to be quite accommodating and maybe one day the various meds and vitamins will decide to work.


 and here is my final word for 2011. Dear Body, I don't know why you decided to have a mind of your own in 2011, but if i promise to get better at getting help when I need it will you be nice to me? thanks. Love Gabby <3  


1 hour and 14 minutes till a new year :) 

La La La.. I forgot again

Dear Mom,
I will not put you in a old people's home for your sake or mine
Love, your favorite daughter


Today Mother and I accompanied my grandma to fill out "a few papers" but really it was 2 hours of this lady talking and they both agreed it was worse than closing on a house. For me, this experience was... boring and I didn't know that sitting and listening to someone talk would be energy draining. In the car, I was ready to fall over and sleep. How old people fit into this is because these papers that needed to be signed we for my grandpa and his new home. Who knew papers were so detailed. So mother, you will be living with me instead of a old people home because listening to all those papers again isn't worth it!


Shopping. this is completely a random subject, but i'm too lazy to start another post. In my family, we shop til we drop! yeeahh! Um...yeah now that term is... well ya know I'm either in a wheelchair or I'm sitting in the aisles in about 10 to 15 minutes. I was so reluctant on the whole wheelchair thing, but when I actually tried it, it made shopping a much better experience! Oh how I love those random stares of confusion and why I'm in a wheelchair when nothing appears to be wrong. I hate sitting in them because i feel short and ridiculous. I agreed on a wheelchair at McCormick park AKA the train park. This allowed me and my family to skip the 30-45 minute wait to ride the train. Earlier in the night it was a wait about an hour and a half wait because this little train took you around the whole park where they had christmas lights and displays galore. Oh how special I felt skipping that line... psh I'll take my advantages when given them!! 


I have this thing where I am constantly shaking and occasionally it goes away, but its really irritating because I feel like those old ladies who shake when pouring tea or something. I wonder if it happens to any other CFS/ME patients. Its totally random and veryyy annoying but whatever; it could be worse.  Its better than the Migraines! 


I hate forgetting everything. I was going to say something and I forgot what I was going to say. so annoying!!!!!!! This one friend I have used to not believe me when I said I forgot all these things so frequently. HA! well now I have a legit reason for my constant brain fog... I'm still trying to remember what I was going to say but maybe I'll remember later. Yes, I know today's post is kinda random but my whole life now is random; Full of random headaches, migraines, aches, tiredness, so on and so on. la la la... still haven't remembered what I wanted to say.


Hope everyone's having a fantastic holiday! And those with CFS, Don't over do it! the price to pay sucks when you try and rebel against it.

Winter Break

So like everyone else, I'm on winter break. HA! Like it matters! My attendance before I started staying home all day was like 26 out of 50-some days... I never saw this coming since I'm usually and overachiever. Anyways, I really want to go ice skating. I don't know why skating around in circles while freeze is so entertaining, but for some weird reason it is. Unfortunately, if I tried to go I'd probably fall over after about 10 minutes. Ha I always laugh at myself for my lack of stamina. Just a few days ago I was going from the basement to my room and I found that just so exhausting! Wimp. That's all i have to say to myself haha!

I realize this winter break might not include the things i'd normally do; In fact it might include a wheelchair... Yup. I'm going to Arizona to visit my family and one of the things I wanted to do that we didn't do last year was go to this park. There is quite a bit of walking involved so my mom is insisting on using a wheelchair. As much as I am reluctant to sit in a wheelchair and be wheeled around, I know that I would get tired within 10-15 minutes and it wouldn't be much fun for me.

I have to remember that if i do too much I will crash and it won't be good. My most recent crash was yesterday. On saturday, I had a burst of energy and I felt sooooo energetic and ready to clean and dance and bounce around. I'm sure it looked like I was hyped up on sugar or something because I really was so...Manic. Then on Sunday, I could tell that I definitely over did it the day before, yet I insisted on going to my gymnastics banquet. As soon as I walked in the room I was overwhelmed with people. It was good to be out of my house and be around people, especially my team. I didn't do THAT much at it but it sent me into a massive crash that night and into Monday. Oh gabby...don't you ever learn?! Hopefully, I won't make the same mistake and I can enjoy "winter break" (i should say time with family) without having too many crashes

As the New year approches, I wonder what the year is going to look like for me. Will I get better? Will I return to school? I really have no clue. So good luck to me on being patient!

Saturday!

Saturday is my favorite day of the week. Saturdays I get to see my boyfriend and I can leave my house! well sorta. Days like saturday is kind of confusing though because I put on normal clothes and do my hair. If you saw me, you would probably say, “Oh Gabby! You’re better!” yeah yeah. Today I got dressed and did my hair but now I feel like falling over! Everything feels spinny and I get tired from walking up stairs (pathetic I know!)

I’ve had better days, but I’ve also had worse. I concider myself lucky that I don’t have a life-threatening illness or something more dramatic. CFS isn’t ideal, but when I think of other illnesses I remember that someone in the world has it ten times worse than me. The doctors keep asking if I’m depressed, Clinical Depression. No I’m not. I tell them I’m frusterated that my life changed so quickly! How do you explain CFS quickly? you can’t. thats the point of my blog!!

“We make plans and God laughs,” My mom always says. I had planned to go back to school, Get all A’s, and be better than when the Mono knocked me down. I can’t fight back against this and thats probably the most frusterating part of this invisible illness. However, Maybe it’s a lesson to teach me that I can’t do everything by myself, that receiving help is okay. God isn’t punishing me for doing something wrong, he’s just giving me a reminder to trust him.

Orthostatic Intolerance/Invisible Illness

Orthostatic intolerance (OI) is a subcategory of dysautonomia, a disorder of the autonomic nervous system occurring when an individual… that is copied directly from google.

Google’s definition is kind of dry so I’ll attempt to describe it. Every time I stand up I get lightheaded or dizzy. Most times my entire vision goes black, yet I’m still standing. Occasionally I’ll pass out or the room will start to spin. my facebook post where I said I was hugging the floor was because I drop to the floor or start hugging the wall… no joke!

My lovely little invisible illness leaves many people saying, “but you look fine…” Yay for you, you can see that I’m trying. I’m still capable of putting on make up, curling my hair, and wearing nice clothes. HOWEVER, most days I’m in sweats, a ponytail, and my glasses. That’s the confusing part to most people; Don’t be fooled by my apperance i’m still exhausted and probably have at least one random ache (head, stomach, arm, neck, foot, leg, etc.).

I started taking florinef today, and supposedly will help me to be able to do the things I normally do! I’m sending positive thoughts to my body! drinking lots of water and hoping! Now i’ve been on the computer for about 45 minutes and I’m thinking it’s nap time! :)