Back to School!

Well the new school year started! I don't really have much to say though... I am taking 10 credit hours though! Microeconomics, College Algebra, and Public Speaking. HAHAHA. public speaking... that should be fun. I mean sometimes I can't even order my own food because my brain just doesn't function! I walked up to the Financial Aid office and my mind went completely blank. The lady just stared at me like, "What the heck is wrong with you?" Invisible illness fun right there. Why can't my brain just be normal?! Well actually, according to all the MRI's My brain is very healthy ^-^ Other than that, I am ridiculously excited about school. Don't even care about homework because it gives me something to do! I am so done with this sitting around doing nothing stuff. So Wish me luck as I attempt 3 classes! When I gave my teachers the accommodations paper I decided to simplify my whole illness with the most official words I could. "I have an auto immune disease." They were really nice about it! Although some people when you say you have chronic fatigue just think you're trying to make excuses. I mean even I didn't take the doctor seriously at first.

 It's incredibly difficult seeing so many of my friends move into dorms especially the ones at CSU because that's where I had been planning, and still am, on going. A bunch of people posted pictures about the CSU class of 2017 and I just wished so much that I was there too! I think that everything happens for a reason though and right now while I'm getting back into things I just need to trust that everything will turn out for the best. 

HAHA! Oh my gosh! Did I tell people i FINALLY got my license in May? Yeah... permit expired, but my brain fog isn't at its worst so I'm able to drive... WATCH OUT! Ha just kidding. Kinda. Anyways, The other day I went to the grocery store and parked in handicap. The looks I go were SO confused. They sort of went like this: 

So a teenage girl, in a minivan, in handicap parking. Yeah... I should probably find the paper that says the handicap parking is for me. But ya know what? They don't know me and they don't know my life. I'm not just using it because it's more convenient when I suck at parking! No! I'm using it so I don't pass out or use unnecessary spoons. 

Right before school started I got my wisdom teeth pulled and let me tell you, anesthesia, extra steroids and whatever else they gave me made my blood pressure CRAZY! 173/113 I think? I had to stay an extra five/six hours because the nurses were like:

Finally when it was down to something over 100 I convinced them I was fine and they let me go. I really just wanted to use that picture... I found it on tumblr awhile ago with a caption about how nurses act when taking a POTS patient's blood pressure. Looks pretty accurate. And then my mom and I can put on our "I told you so" faces. (Lots of nurses take orthostatics without waiting 5 minutes and get annoyed when My mom tells them they have to wait 5 minutes in between) 

Holy Cow. This September will be my 3rd year with this suck-fest! That's awesome. But that's chronic illness for you. I saw a meme that said "Auto-immune disease: because the only think that can kick my butt is ME." I couldn't find it again but I thought it's funny. I mean if this were something i could push through, I would without a doubt. However, fighting back is pointless with CFS/ME. Well anyways, I'm extremely grateful that my health is improving. Some aren't as lucky and so many have it worse than I do. A year ago I was starting to get better, but I was still using my wheelchair and had a lot of brain fog and focus issues. My blood pressure was all over the place and slept a lot more! I'm on the road to recovery and that's what matters most. I've mentioned this before, but it gets me every time; on my good days, it feels like I've been faking the last 3 years of my life, but then I have a bad day and I remember how real this actually is. It's not in my head. It's not from lack of activity. It's not laziness. It's not an excuse. I've been sick and there's nothing I can do about it except focus on the future. Nobody would chose to feel like this or have their entire life changed because they're not capable of what they once were. 

Anyways, life happens and all we can do is embrace it with as much grace as we can muster! What comes after a rainstorm? A RAINBOW! I'm pretty sure I used that in one of my other posts, but it keeps raining here in Colorado and I keep seeing rainbows all over the place! Oh And thanks for reading everyone! It means a lot that so many of you actually take the time to read my blog! I never know what to post, but then I remember the point of it is to help people understand my illness. I mean I'm not looking for sympathy or anything! it's just that CFS/ME is complicated to understand unless you have it. So thank you everyone!!