Saturday, January 17, 2015
VINE!!
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
#TheStruggleIsReal
So that was fun. I accidentally deleted my last post and frantically tried to undo what i did. Although I couldn't recover the original post, I did find a cashed version on the internet by searching the URL on google... This I figured out to do by google-ing "recover deleted post blogger." Apparently this is a common mistake. Google: the answer to everything. Also, sorry this is so long. that's what happens when you only make yearly posts HAHA! Also sorry for the lack of organization in this post... not feeling too good so i just wrote everything down before I forgot
ANYWAYS, I realize that the last time I posted anything was over a year ago... If I'm being honest though, I didn't feel like I really had any business posting about being sick anymore. I'm caught in this awkward functional state; not exactly "better" but I'm better relative to where I was in 2011-2013. How do you relate to people who are still home-bound when you're a now functional human being who can drive and go to school and can go to social events without a wheelchair? I felt like I could no longer relate. It seemed like bragging to talk about all the accomplishment. Then I remembered (with the help of my lovely dysfunctional body), that I'm not in the safe zone yet.
Trying to explain what is wrong with me just got a little bit harder, as if I thought it wasn’t hard enough. So what the heck is wrong with me these days? I mean it is a tricky question to answer. When people ask, "are you better now?" or "so you're normal again?" Umm... define better... I still can feel the blood pool in my legs when I stand, I've gone to after hours twice within the last six months, and I can feel the fatigue threatening to come back and take over again. However, I am immensely better than I was two years ago. Anyone close to me can tell you about how much "better" I am, but I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm normal. Normal would mean no more saline IVs, no more medications, no more high and low blood pressure, no more doctors or hospitals, and no more monitoring my activity.
I'll admit, I have been pushing my luck here with the amount of things I can juggle, but now I'm fighting myself to stay in it. Just for the rest of the semester. After that, I promise to be more careful.. So hilarious when my body thinks it's cute to show me who's boss (sarcasm).
My limits used to be so clear. I knew couldn’t leave the house. I knew I had to use a wheelchair. Everything was a matter of fact because I knew exactly where the boundaries were and what would happen if I crossed them. Now, more like sudden death HAHA!! (sorry I had to.. it amuses me to use gifs).
If people had doubts about me being sick before, they would definitely question it now, especially when I question my “illness” every day. I honestly question the legitimacy of it all the time. I wonder if I could have fought harder, if it was my fault for giving into the exhaustion, if any of it was real. I wonder if the people and doctors who say it’s all in my head were right.
Probably one of the most dreadful and discouraging feelings in the world for both me and my mom is sitting in the doctor's office waiting and anticipating the polite "there's nothing wrong with you. Exercise. blah blah blah" speech that I've heard from so many doctors. At first, there is hope from seeing doctors and having them run various tests, but then the results come back. In theory, I should be a very healthy person, and yet here I am at 20 with a broken immune system and a dysfunctional body. Yesterday was the first time in a long time that I had this feeling. Luckily, We were talking about blood pressure problems which the cardiologist seemed more comfortable with, so he wasn't as standoffish as last time. Did you know its really weird to see your heart beating?? He had an ultrasound of my heart done and I just watched it beat and watched the valves move. Bizarre.
So on a totally different topic, awhile back, I was supposed to have an endoscopy (shove a camera down my throat while under anesthesia) and the day before the procedure, I had to see the anesthesiologist. After the nurse took vitals and orthostatics, he came in to tell me he was refusing because it was too much of a risk. He had seen me once before when I had my wisdom teeth pulled and remembered because I was the girl with the blood pressure high enough to cause a stroke. Its amusing to see the nurses try not to panic when my BP hits around 142/93 and my mom laughs and is like, "oh good. it's low." But its been about a year with consistently concerning bp for someone my age and size.. Now all the doctors are starting to worry about the long term effect on my body. I guess I worry too. I don't want to be at risk for heart problems or anything, but I also just want so much to keep pretending I'm normal. Here is how I feel every time they say they don't want me on flourinef, the medication that basically stops me from passing out every time I stand:
Sorry for the angry Disney Gifs... :) #SorryNotSorry
Another unpleasant thing about this whole thing is the judgement. The judgmental looks for using a handicap parking spot when I look perfectly fine. Pretty, young, seemingly nothing wrong; what would you think if you saw me and didn't know why I was parking in handicap? I always wish I could explain myself every time someone shakes their head at me or glares. If I could say anything to these people who throw me dirty looks for using it, I would say this: "Yes. This is my tag. You don't know me, you don't know what I've been through. I look fine, but my situation sucks. There is nothing I can do about it, so if close parking is one of the perks then I'll take what I can get. I only use it on days when my energy levels are questionable, and lately that's more often than not. If you could walk a day in my shoes, you might understand how hard I'm trying to just make it through the semester." I know I've written about this before, but I think judgment in our society just happens on an involuntary level. We assume thinks without knowing, and its wrong. I saw a picture that said, "You don't know the storms that God has asked her to walk through" and it is absolutely true.
And one last word for anyone who is stuck with this stupid illness or something similar, just stay hopeful and if you're the praying type, pray. Yes, lots of doctors think we are full of it and they blow our symptoms off after a general orthostatic test, but there are good doctors too. My mom has argued and annoyed so many people to do orthostatics with a 5 minute pause in between, but their face when it just goes up proves that there is something wrong. What we're dealing with is not normal.
Also, remember this isn't your fault. you couldn't have fought it, you couldn't prevent it, and it is certainly not a punishment. Bad things happen to good people, but we can't confuse it with condemnation. Our struggle is just as real as any other illness even if it isn't as apparent. You may have been sick longer than me, you may be at the worst part of this illness, but there is still hope no matter what.
I can't imagine being a parent having to watch your little ones go through this, just know it can get better. I'm still praying for us all!
PS
On a happy note, here is a chronic illness meme that makes me laugh because its so relevant. BTW, spandex legging work miracles for POTS patients... wish i'd tried it sooner. Since leggings are a thing now, I don't really feel too stupid wearing them.
ANYWAYS, I realize that the last time I posted anything was over a year ago... If I'm being honest though, I didn't feel like I really had any business posting about being sick anymore. I'm caught in this awkward functional state; not exactly "better" but I'm better relative to where I was in 2011-2013. How do you relate to people who are still home-bound when you're a now functional human being who can drive and go to school and can go to social events without a wheelchair? I felt like I could no longer relate. It seemed like bragging to talk about all the accomplishment. Then I remembered (with the help of my lovely dysfunctional body), that I'm not in the safe zone yet.
Trying to explain what is wrong with me just got a little bit harder, as if I thought it wasn’t hard enough. So what the heck is wrong with me these days? I mean it is a tricky question to answer. When people ask, "are you better now?" or "so you're normal again?" Umm... define better... I still can feel the blood pool in my legs when I stand, I've gone to after hours twice within the last six months, and I can feel the fatigue threatening to come back and take over again. However, I am immensely better than I was two years ago. Anyone close to me can tell you about how much "better" I am, but I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm normal. Normal would mean no more saline IVs, no more medications, no more high and low blood pressure, no more doctors or hospitals, and no more monitoring my activity.
I'll admit, I have been pushing my luck here with the amount of things I can juggle, but now I'm fighting myself to stay in it. Just for the rest of the semester. After that, I promise to be more careful.. So hilarious when my body thinks it's cute to show me who's boss (sarcasm).
My limits used to be so clear. I knew couldn’t leave the house. I knew I had to use a wheelchair. Everything was a matter of fact because I knew exactly where the boundaries were and what would happen if I crossed them. Now, more like sudden death HAHA!! (sorry I had to.. it amuses me to use gifs).
If people had doubts about me being sick before, they would definitely question it now, especially when I question my “illness” every day. I honestly question the legitimacy of it all the time. I wonder if I could have fought harder, if it was my fault for giving into the exhaustion, if any of it was real. I wonder if the people and doctors who say it’s all in my head were right.
So on a totally different topic, awhile back, I was supposed to have an endoscopy (shove a camera down my throat while under anesthesia) and the day before the procedure, I had to see the anesthesiologist. After the nurse took vitals and orthostatics, he came in to tell me he was refusing because it was too much of a risk. He had seen me once before when I had my wisdom teeth pulled and remembered because I was the girl with the blood pressure high enough to cause a stroke. Its amusing to see the nurses try not to panic when my BP hits around 142/93 and my mom laughs and is like, "oh good. it's low." But its been about a year with consistently concerning bp for someone my age and size.. Now all the doctors are starting to worry about the long term effect on my body. I guess I worry too. I don't want to be at risk for heart problems or anything, but I also just want so much to keep pretending I'm normal. Here is how I feel every time they say they don't want me on flourinef, the medication that basically stops me from passing out every time I stand:
Another unpleasant thing about this whole thing is the judgement. The judgmental looks for using a handicap parking spot when I look perfectly fine. Pretty, young, seemingly nothing wrong; what would you think if you saw me and didn't know why I was parking in handicap? I always wish I could explain myself every time someone shakes their head at me or glares. If I could say anything to these people who throw me dirty looks for using it, I would say this: "Yes. This is my tag. You don't know me, you don't know what I've been through. I look fine, but my situation sucks. There is nothing I can do about it, so if close parking is one of the perks then I'll take what I can get. I only use it on days when my energy levels are questionable, and lately that's more often than not. If you could walk a day in my shoes, you might understand how hard I'm trying to just make it through the semester." I know I've written about this before, but I think judgment in our society just happens on an involuntary level. We assume thinks without knowing, and its wrong. I saw a picture that said, "You don't know the storms that God has asked her to walk through" and it is absolutely true.
And one last word for anyone who is stuck with this stupid illness or something similar, just stay hopeful and if you're the praying type, pray. Yes, lots of doctors think we are full of it and they blow our symptoms off after a general orthostatic test, but there are good doctors too. My mom has argued and annoyed so many people to do orthostatics with a 5 minute pause in between, but their face when it just goes up proves that there is something wrong. What we're dealing with is not normal.
Also, remember this isn't your fault. you couldn't have fought it, you couldn't prevent it, and it is certainly not a punishment. Bad things happen to good people, but we can't confuse it with condemnation. Our struggle is just as real as any other illness even if it isn't as apparent. You may have been sick longer than me, you may be at the worst part of this illness, but there is still hope no matter what.
I can't imagine being a parent having to watch your little ones go through this, just know it can get better. I'm still praying for us all!
PS
On a happy note, here is a chronic illness meme that makes me laugh because its so relevant. BTW, spandex legging work miracles for POTS patients... wish i'd tried it sooner. Since leggings are a thing now, I don't really feel too stupid wearing them.
College with Chronic Illness (Repost)
So I sort of accidently deleted this from my blog... so this is just reposting. Thank you internet for never really deleting things! This is just a direct copy and paste. Its only been a year since my last post.. but I do plan on posting something new soon!
Originally posted December 6, 2013
If you're attempting college, no matter if it's one class or four, and you have a chronic illness, then clearly you have gained some of your energy back. The question is, how long will it last? Nobody knows. When we talk about spoons, it's an approximation. Only we know how much energy we have for the day, but there is a large chance we'll overestimate our ability. I mean, at least I do. College with a chronic illness like ME/CFS is tricky because you don't have room to overestimate your ability. I've said so many times that you can't push back with this illness; There is no pushing through the exhaustion unless you want to end up worse off than you already are. I get upset when I'm told I just need to learn to pace myself because I don't want to have to think about how I use my energy. I don't want to be sick. I hate being tired at 7:30 at night. I long for the day when I'm healthy again; I just want to be normal. Most of all, I don't want to be in college forever. It's so frustrating not being able to take a full course load because I don't know if I'll have the ability to attend class everyday. I can't rely on the fact that RIGHT NOW I'm okay. At the beginning of the semester I was like, "Let's get this show on the road! I can do this in my sleep! Should have taken four classes!" But by the end I was more like, "Dear lord just let me PASS each class." You can't imagine how discouraging this is... It's not that the classes were challenging, it's that my exhaustion suddenly spiked and my energy dropped.
I think for a moment I forgot I was chronically ill. I forgot what it felt like to put in so much effort to do anything, even getting off the couch. I forgot the feeling of blood pooled in my legs followed by an unexpected collision with the ground. I forgot the headaches, the pains, the sleep problems, the brain fog, the exhaustion, and everything else that used to plague me daily. I'm lucky to have recovered to the point that I am now... It still sucks, but it just sucks a little less.
If you're able to accomplish anything after spending two and a half years of your life at home, unable to be productive, then it is a major triumph. My semester ended yesterday and I'm proud of being able to sit in a classroom for up to four hours and comprehend what is being said. I'm proud because I know I did my best regardless of my illness. I've never been so happy about an A before because in middle school and high school grades came easily to me, but this time I had to work against the brain fog and fatigue for these ones.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Back to School!
Well the new school year started! I don't really have much to say though... I am taking 10 credit hours though! Microeconomics, College Algebra, and Public Speaking. HAHAHA. public speaking... that should be fun. I mean sometimes I can't even order my own food because my brain just doesn't function! I walked up to the Financial Aid office and my mind went completely blank. The lady just stared at me like, "What the heck is wrong with you?" Invisible illness fun right there. Why can't my brain just be normal?! Well actually, according to all the MRI's My brain is very healthy ^-^ Other than that, I am ridiculously excited about school. Don't even care about homework because it gives me something to do! I am so done with this sitting around doing nothing stuff. So Wish me luck as I attempt 3 classes! When I gave my teachers the accommodations paper I decided to simplify my whole illness with the most official words I could. "I have an auto immune disease." They were really nice about it! Although some people when you say you have chronic fatigue just think you're trying to make excuses. I mean even I didn't take the doctor seriously at first.
It's incredibly difficult seeing so many of my friends move into dorms especially the ones at CSU because that's where I had been planning, and still am, on going. A bunch of people posted pictures about the CSU class of 2017 and I just wished so much that I was there too! I think that everything happens for a reason though and right now while I'm getting back into things I just need to trust that everything will turn out for the best.
HAHA! Oh my gosh! Did I tell people i FINALLY got my license in May? Yeah... permit expired, but my brain fog isn't at its worst so I'm able to drive... WATCH OUT! Ha just kidding. Kinda. Anyways, The other day I went to the grocery store and parked in handicap. The looks I go were SO confused. They sort of went like this:
So a teenage girl, in a minivan, in handicap parking. Yeah... I should probably find the paper that says the handicap parking is for me. But ya know what? They don't know me and they don't know my life. I'm not just using it because it's more convenient when I suck at parking! No! I'm using it so I don't pass out or use unnecessary spoons.
Right before school started I got my wisdom teeth pulled and let me tell you, anesthesia, extra steroids and whatever else they gave me made my blood pressure CRAZY! 173/113 I think? I had to stay an extra five/six hours because the nurses were like:
Finally when it was down to something over 100 I convinced them I was fine and they let me go. I really just wanted to use that picture... I found it on tumblr awhile ago with a caption about how nurses act when taking a POTS patient's blood pressure. Looks pretty accurate. And then my mom and I can put on our "I told you so" faces. (Lots of nurses take orthostatics without waiting 5 minutes and get annoyed when My mom tells them they have to wait 5 minutes in between)
Holy Cow. This September will be my 3rd year with this suck-fest! That's awesome. But that's chronic illness for you. I saw a meme that said "Auto-immune disease: because the only think that can kick my butt is ME." I couldn't find it again but I thought it's funny. I mean if this were something i could push through, I would without a doubt. However, fighting back is pointless with CFS/ME. Well anyways, I'm extremely grateful that my health is improving. Some aren't as lucky and so many have it worse than I do. A year ago I was starting to get better, but I was still using my wheelchair and had a lot of brain fog and focus issues. My blood pressure was all over the place and slept a lot more! I'm on the road to recovery and that's what matters most. I've mentioned this before, but it gets me every time; on my good days, it feels like I've been faking the last 3 years of my life, but then I have a bad day and I remember how real this actually is. It's not in my head. It's not from lack of activity. It's not laziness. It's not an excuse. I've been sick and there's nothing I can do about it except focus on the future. Nobody would chose to feel like this or have their entire life changed because they're not capable of what they once were.
Anyways, life happens and all we can do is embrace it with as much grace as we can muster! What comes after a rainstorm? A RAINBOW! I'm pretty sure I used that in one of my other posts, but it keeps raining here in Colorado and I keep seeing rainbows all over the place! Oh And thanks for reading everyone! It means a lot that so many of you actually take the time to read my blog! I never know what to post, but then I remember the point of it is to help people understand my illness. I mean I'm not looking for sympathy or anything! it's just that CFS/ME is complicated to understand unless you have it. So thank you everyone!!
It's incredibly difficult seeing so many of my friends move into dorms especially the ones at CSU because that's where I had been planning, and still am, on going. A bunch of people posted pictures about the CSU class of 2017 and I just wished so much that I was there too! I think that everything happens for a reason though and right now while I'm getting back into things I just need to trust that everything will turn out for the best.
HAHA! Oh my gosh! Did I tell people i FINALLY got my license in May? Yeah... permit expired, but my brain fog isn't at its worst so I'm able to drive... WATCH OUT! Ha just kidding. Kinda. Anyways, The other day I went to the grocery store and parked in handicap. The looks I go were SO confused. They sort of went like this:
Right before school started I got my wisdom teeth pulled and let me tell you, anesthesia, extra steroids and whatever else they gave me made my blood pressure CRAZY! 173/113 I think? I had to stay an extra five/six hours because the nurses were like:
Holy Cow. This September will be my 3rd year with this suck-fest! That's awesome. But that's chronic illness for you. I saw a meme that said "Auto-immune disease: because the only think that can kick my butt is ME." I couldn't find it again but I thought it's funny. I mean if this were something i could push through, I would without a doubt. However, fighting back is pointless with CFS/ME. Well anyways, I'm extremely grateful that my health is improving. Some aren't as lucky and so many have it worse than I do. A year ago I was starting to get better, but I was still using my wheelchair and had a lot of brain fog and focus issues. My blood pressure was all over the place and slept a lot more! I'm on the road to recovery and that's what matters most. I've mentioned this before, but it gets me every time; on my good days, it feels like I've been faking the last 3 years of my life, but then I have a bad day and I remember how real this actually is. It's not in my head. It's not from lack of activity. It's not laziness. It's not an excuse. I've been sick and there's nothing I can do about it except focus on the future. Nobody would chose to feel like this or have their entire life changed because they're not capable of what they once were.
Anyways, life happens and all we can do is embrace it with as much grace as we can muster! What comes after a rainstorm? A RAINBOW! I'm pretty sure I used that in one of my other posts, but it keeps raining here in Colorado and I keep seeing rainbows all over the place! Oh And thanks for reading everyone! It means a lot that so many of you actually take the time to read my blog! I never know what to post, but then I remember the point of it is to help people understand my illness. I mean I'm not looking for sympathy or anything! it's just that CFS/ME is complicated to understand unless you have it. So thank you everyone!!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Life with M.E. today... I CANNOT BRAIN TODAY.
ATTENTION ISSUES TODAY AND COULDN'T THINK OF A TITLE. So now that I got you reading, Hey :)
Today is difficult. My class graduated today and its so weird seeing pictures and knowing I should have been there. My life got messed up and there was nothing I could have done to change that. I was too far behind I couldn't have made up the credits to graduate with them anyways. I've already accepted this, but it still stings to not be there. Sometimes I feel like I should have fought harder to stay in school, or that I gave up too easily, but with ME/CFS you can't fight it. You get to the point where your body physically won't let you and I have to try and remember this. I didn't have the energy and strength I have today. Sometimes when people ask if I'm graduating this year I just don't even want to answer. I mean some people give me the weirdest looks when I say I got my GED. I have the urge to yell, "I WAS an AP/honors student with a 4.0 gpa, but my medical conditions got in the way! So don't give me that look!" People will judge or jump to conclusions and that's their problem. Psh. they don't know my life! I just have to remember that though and keep it in mind when I don't quite understand someone else's situation.
Anyways, life now... sitting at home now that I'm getting better is insufferable. I seriously can't stand it. I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy! I'm caught in this awkward place where I'm getting better, but I'm still prone to crashes. I'm not sure I'll ever be 100% but that's the chronic aspect of it all. BLAH. I'm still at a place where this would be my reaction to 4 classes next semester or joining athletics or getting a job or you know, try being a normal college student
(from http://lifeonpause123.tumblr.com/post/51174711983/my-doctors-when-i-tell-them-im-going-to-play-soccer)
I don't really know what to say, but people keep asking me when I'm going to write on my blog again! Lets see... Latest achievements: Got my license (scary though!), Got an A in my first College class... yup I think that's it! Compared to where I was last year, I am so much better and I am so grateful because I know there are people who have had this for YEARS. I can't imagine having this for 7 years...
Today is difficult. My class graduated today and its so weird seeing pictures and knowing I should have been there. My life got messed up and there was nothing I could have done to change that. I was too far behind I couldn't have made up the credits to graduate with them anyways. I've already accepted this, but it still stings to not be there. Sometimes I feel like I should have fought harder to stay in school, or that I gave up too easily, but with ME/CFS you can't fight it. You get to the point where your body physically won't let you and I have to try and remember this. I didn't have the energy and strength I have today. Sometimes when people ask if I'm graduating this year I just don't even want to answer. I mean some people give me the weirdest looks when I say I got my GED. I have the urge to yell, "I WAS an AP/honors student with a 4.0 gpa, but my medical conditions got in the way! So don't give me that look!" People will judge or jump to conclusions and that's their problem. Psh. they don't know my life! I just have to remember that though and keep it in mind when I don't quite understand someone else's situation.
Anyways, life now... sitting at home now that I'm getting better is insufferable. I seriously can't stand it. I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy! I'm caught in this awkward place where I'm getting better, but I'm still prone to crashes. I'm not sure I'll ever be 100% but that's the chronic aspect of it all. BLAH. I'm still at a place where this would be my reaction to 4 classes next semester or joining athletics or getting a job or you know, try being a normal college student
(from http://lifeonpause123.tumblr.com/post/51174711983/my-doctors-when-i-tell-them-im-going-to-play-soccer)
I don't really know what to say, but people keep asking me when I'm going to write on my blog again! Lets see... Latest achievements: Got my license (scary though!), Got an A in my first College class... yup I think that's it! Compared to where I was last year, I am so much better and I am so grateful because I know there are people who have had this for YEARS. I can't imagine having this for 7 years...
And this is what its like trying to say "MYALGIC ENCEPHALOMYELITIS"
I just thought this was fitting.
Sorry off topic again! Man, I have the attention span of a fly today. That CFS for ya. Okay lets try and organize my life so I can tell you what's up
Education:
Looks like I'm able to stay at Arapahoe and get an associates in business and it transfers smoothly to CSU or Metro or wherever. Darn. I want my independence! I love my Mom though, I don't know how I could live without her! I think I'm going to try taking 3 classes next semester! WHOO! ...at this rate I won't get done with the first "two years" for another 4 years :P Hopefully, I'll continue to get better and be able to speed things up! Assuming I get my attention span back...its a legit problem at the moment.
Social:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Health:
I really am getting so much better! I mean I was able to go to prom in heels and not die! I'm capable of driving now..sorta :) and I can go to school! which is the most exciting. People take school for granted and they're like, "schools so boring! you're so lucky you get to stay home all day!" NO. shut your mouth. please. If you've read the spoon theory, then you can at least try ME/CFS sufferers issues with energy. If you haven't, its basically an article comparing energy levels to spoons and you only have so many spoons but eating and moving and anything involving energy take away spoons. http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ there is the link for it if you want to actually read it but its long and I honestly just skimmed it so I hope its the right one...
Plans for Summer:
Well I might be going to Arizona soon, but that's all I think! I wanted to get a job, HA, but that's a joke considering standing for 8 hours isn't really an option. Hopefully, I'm approved for Work Study in the Fall though! Sometimes I think I can do more than I really can.
Although I'm sad I wasn't there with the rest of my class to graduate, I'm not as sad or upset as I thought I'd be. I though it was going to be torture, but I'm actually okay and really happy for everyone! Four years you anticipate this day and pray to God you make it. Now its here and I'm proud of all my friends. :) Good job guys. For anyone going into high school soon, don't waist it. Right now, graduation seems so far away and you think you have time, but those four years will fly by. At least try and don't let anything hold you back (because you don't think its cool, because your friends will make fun of you, etc.) My time got cut short right as I was about to try the things I wanted (Drama, clubs, track or tennis) and I regret not doing them from the beginning! I guess if you're sick you don't have that problem though, in which case don't sweat school. you'll move on some how! even if you don't graduate, its not the end of the world! and life will get better one day. I know its hard to stay positive sometimes... I really do, but as one of my ME/CFS friends said, we gotta look for the silver lining.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Follow link!
Well I started following this person on tumblr who is sick too and its just these pictures fit perfectly and make me laugh! Someone on my Teens with CFS group on Facebook posted this and it was just too great! So I posted my favs
http://lifeonpause123.tumblr.com/
:)
http://lifeonpause123.tumblr.com/
:)
Monday, January 28, 2013
Level of Understanding and the GED
I think having this illness has given me a new level of understanding. The main thing being you can't look at someone and know their story, so you have no right to judge them. You never know what kind of storm God has asked someone to walk through.
I get looks (or maybe I'm just paranoid...) when I'm in a wheelchair. Pity, sympathy, confusion, judgement and just plain gawking. When I see someone and I don't understand their situation I just send God a prayer for them. I don't know if it's medical or life or what but I know God is watching over them.
And hey random rant time! When people or doctors tell me there is a simple cure such as "strengthening my core" or "change my environment" or it's just that I am "de-conditioned" I want to scream in their face. What in the heck gives you the right to tell me its my fault for not trying harder. If it was that simple I WOULDN'T BE TALKING ABOUT IT. Especially doctors, you have a PhD? Good for you, but shouldn't you be willing to learn instead of telling me my core isn't strong enough? Stupid physical therapist... :)send that lady a mental hug and hope she broadens her knowledge one day.
And now about the GED...
Teenagers in general can be a bit... narrow-mined. Even more narrow-minded are the honor students. Here's how they see it, community college is below them and the GED is not an option because it's for stupid people. Okay by saying that, I don't mean every honor student thinks that or that they are bad people. I was one and that's just the thoughts that were in the back of my head and i know there are others who have the similar views. We are told by teachers to go to college and we make our 5 year plans assuming we go to universities; they don't mention community college to us. It doesn't matter if you don't know what you want to be, university is the path we are supposed to chose.
The teachers aren't trying to be mean or anything, it's just the general assumption to those who are advanced. It is messed up, however the truth is 1 in every 20 first year college students is a GED graduate. A teacher has never said the GED is worth less and I don't think any of my friends have either, but there is also this assumption that you won't get hired or that you will get looked down on for having a GED versus a high school diploma. Don't tell me that future employers will look down on it because 95% of U.S. employers consider GED graduates the same as traditional high school graduates in regard to hiring, salary, and opportunity for advancement. Ever heard of U.S. Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell? Yeah, me neither. Well he is/was a Senator for Colorado who earned is a GED graduate. I don't know if he still is or when he was a senator and my brain can only handle so much research at a time, BUT the words US senator caught my eye. Bill Cosby has his GED as well and we all know who he is.
The General Education Development test was created in 1942 to help World War II veterans finish their high school education and reenter "civilian life." in 1947 New York made the test available to civilians and the program awarded a high school diploma to those who passed. You have to score 410 or higher on each test (out of 800 which was my reading score! not to brag or anything...) which consists of Math, Science, Social Studies, Reading, and Writing. KEEP READING I SWEAR THERE IS MORE THAN JUST FACTS !
In 2010, more than 757,000 adults worldwide took some portion of the GED® test. Of that total, more than 655,000 completed test and 474,000 (72%) earned a passing score. That means they are trying which you have to give them props for because not everyone can be valedictorian and go to Harvard. Life happens... which is my entire point of this blog. "Those who earn a high enough score to earn a GED surpass and/or outperform about one third of high school seniors. Someone who passes the GED has demonstrated knowledge equal to or greater than 40% of those graduating seniors." Those with a GED are in fact VERY competent. I have to thank Mr. Chalmer Naugle who was incredibly helpful through out my entire GED-earning process!
I know there have been some other kids with CFS/ME who were debating over high school diploma versus GED and it just seemed like the choice was finish high school. I am SOOOO glad my mom talked to Chalmer because instead of suffering though high school I just got it over with! So much less stress and in my condition i just had to accept that life happens and understand that the high school just isn't for everyone. I know we have all pictured that graduation day in our heads since the day we entered high school as freshman, I know! I was supposed to walk across the gorgeous Red Rocks Amphitheater this May, but there was no way i would have finished 2 years worth of school in time to walk. I asked if it was really worth it and it just wasn't.
Well this only took me a month to write! I guess I'll just keep my hopes high and accomplish my goals one at a time.
but as for me, I will always have hope -Psalms 71:14
Resources
http://www.westkentucky.kctcs.edu/en/Workforce_Solutions/GED_Testing.aspx
http://www.gedtestingservice.com/testers/faqs-test-taker
http://www.passged.com/faqs.php
I get looks (or maybe I'm just paranoid...) when I'm in a wheelchair. Pity, sympathy, confusion, judgement and just plain gawking. When I see someone and I don't understand their situation I just send God a prayer for them. I don't know if it's medical or life or what but I know God is watching over them.
And hey random rant time! When people or doctors tell me there is a simple cure such as "strengthening my core" or "change my environment" or it's just that I am "de-conditioned" I want to scream in their face. What in the heck gives you the right to tell me its my fault for not trying harder. If it was that simple I WOULDN'T BE TALKING ABOUT IT. Especially doctors, you have a PhD? Good for you, but shouldn't you be willing to learn instead of telling me my core isn't strong enough? Stupid physical therapist... :)send that lady a mental hug and hope she broadens her knowledge one day.
And now about the GED...
Teenagers in general can be a bit... narrow-mined. Even more narrow-minded are the honor students. Here's how they see it, community college is below them and the GED is not an option because it's for stupid people. Okay by saying that, I don't mean every honor student thinks that or that they are bad people. I was one and that's just the thoughts that were in the back of my head and i know there are others who have the similar views. We are told by teachers to go to college and we make our 5 year plans assuming we go to universities; they don't mention community college to us. It doesn't matter if you don't know what you want to be, university is the path we are supposed to chose.
The teachers aren't trying to be mean or anything, it's just the general assumption to those who are advanced. It is messed up, however the truth is 1 in every 20 first year college students is a GED graduate. A teacher has never said the GED is worth less and I don't think any of my friends have either, but there is also this assumption that you won't get hired or that you will get looked down on for having a GED versus a high school diploma. Don't tell me that future employers will look down on it because 95% of U.S. employers consider GED graduates the same as traditional high school graduates in regard to hiring, salary, and opportunity for advancement. Ever heard of U.S. Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell? Yeah, me neither. Well he is/was a Senator for Colorado who earned is a GED graduate. I don't know if he still is or when he was a senator and my brain can only handle so much research at a time, BUT the words US senator caught my eye. Bill Cosby has his GED as well and we all know who he is.
The General Education Development test was created in 1942 to help World War II veterans finish their high school education and reenter "civilian life." in 1947 New York made the test available to civilians and the program awarded a high school diploma to those who passed. You have to score 410 or higher on each test (out of 800 which was my reading score! not to brag or anything...) which consists of Math, Science, Social Studies, Reading, and Writing. KEEP READING I SWEAR THERE IS MORE THAN JUST FACTS !
In 2010, more than 757,000 adults worldwide took some portion of the GED® test. Of that total, more than 655,000 completed test and 474,000 (72%) earned a passing score. That means they are trying which you have to give them props for because not everyone can be valedictorian and go to Harvard. Life happens... which is my entire point of this blog. "Those who earn a high enough score to earn a GED surpass and/or outperform about one third of high school seniors. Someone who passes the GED has demonstrated knowledge equal to or greater than 40% of those graduating seniors." Those with a GED are in fact VERY competent. I have to thank Mr. Chalmer Naugle who was incredibly helpful through out my entire GED-earning process!
I know there have been some other kids with CFS/ME who were debating over high school diploma versus GED and it just seemed like the choice was finish high school. I am SOOOO glad my mom talked to Chalmer because instead of suffering though high school I just got it over with! So much less stress and in my condition i just had to accept that life happens and understand that the high school just isn't for everyone. I know we have all pictured that graduation day in our heads since the day we entered high school as freshman, I know! I was supposed to walk across the gorgeous Red Rocks Amphitheater this May, but there was no way i would have finished 2 years worth of school in time to walk. I asked if it was really worth it and it just wasn't.
Well this only took me a month to write! I guess I'll just keep my hopes high and accomplish my goals one at a time.
but as for me, I will always have hope -Psalms 71:14
Resources
http://www.westkentucky.kctcs.edu/en/Workforce_Solutions/GED_Testing.aspx
http://www.gedtestingservice.com/testers/faqs-test-taker
http://www.passged.com/faqs.php
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)